Okay I’m going to take a few pills. Just to sleep for a day.

It’s 12:13am and I just took quadruple the dose of what I take for a night’s sleep. Two pills usually knock me out for 12ish hours so 4 ought to be a day… I was a bit too scared to take 5. In terms of mg 4 isn’t that bad actually, it’s just more than I’m used to taking. This wouldn’t be considered a suicide attempt would it? Nono, it’s only sleep for a day. *shrugs* Whatever.

This is what happened: I got slightly drowsy, but I didn’t fall asleep until 1:20am. It was extremely hot so I turned on the AC and just before falling asleep I felt completely wide awake.

Anyway, a short while after 1pm my mother was pounding on my door saying she had brought me food for lunch… but I pretended not to hear it. She eventually unlocked the door and just stared at me lying in bed. The pills were right beside my bed but I seriously doubt she noticed. Then again I didn’t have my contacts on so who knows what she saw. My little brother was right behind her looking in to see what all the drama was about, which is funny. He’s such a girl in that respect.

Finally at 3pm I woke up, my body feeling completely numb, and my brain a big fuzzy mess. I took a shower, but I still didn’t feel any more awake. I hate the feeling the pills give me when I wake up. By 4pm I walked to the living room and tried my best to read my email and shit like that, but it was really reallllyyy hard. Any sound sent alert signals to my brain telling it to wake up. It’s like when you’re about to fall asleep and a sound suddenly wakes you up - that’s the feeling. No fun, really.

Anyway then I called my aunt to see if she wanted to go with me to the Apple store to get my iPhone replaced (as it DIED completely when I plugged it into the wall charger). She said yezzz and surprisingly my lil’ brother wanted to come with as well. I was kind of scared driving seeing as I was still half asleep in my brain, but hahaha… we made it alive.

I now have my third iPhone in my possession. Geez, these things break too easily, but whatever ‘cus it’s way easy to get a new one as well.

AND THEN! We watched The Incredible Hulk. TONS of hearts to that movie. I looooooved it. Uh, but Liv Tyler still can’t act and she still sucks lots. She’s so ickyyy.

Ok, the end. Watching The Kite Runner now.

Technorati  Digg  Stumpleupon

Thanks to my favoritest Ryan for the title!

At this very moment I hate everyone. And I feel everyone hates me.

Feels like a taste of depression.

This insecurity is killing me. It’s no good closing up again (even though right now it seems like the best thing for me). Today’s been no good at all. I want today to end. Very badly.

Haha… I feel like crying. Second time today. Too much sadness.

Today I learned about lucid dreaming but failed my first attempt. It’s a bit too complicated for me.

Technorati  Digg  Stumpleupon

It’s Monday morning again. A whole week of school has gone by, but I can’t believe just how much happened, and how busy I was. I feel exhausted just knowing what’s to come this week. Two weekend days just are not enough to restore my energy for a whole week of crazy schedules.

Mm, I’m still way sad over the whole lost digi-cam. I don’t know what photos I’m going to use now for 365. Three-ish goals ruined now. I mean, I didn’t take photos with my iPhone every day. Mostly with ze digi-cam. ): Ugh, there are just lots of photos on there that meant so much to me. =\ My motivation is slightly drained; it’s like having to start all over, except now without the digi-cam. It’s slightly awkward to use a DSLR for regular-ish daily pics. *siiiigh* Materialism only serves to increase the depression.

I need to leave in like 20ish minutes for my appointment with Katie. There is still little to no connection between us. To be honest, I think it’s for her lack of trying. Mayhaps she doesn’t like me. I’m torn between continuing to see her just to test her, or simply moving on. I already have an appointment with some other person. Fuck, I’m like constantly needing help. Lmao.

Really, just tell me you love me. =\ I need some sort of support atm asap-status. UGH. What kills me is that I was so happy most of last week. It fades and it goes… and I’m miserable for a while, then the fleeting happiness returns. On the plus side, mother and I are getting along better. But, that too, is fleeting.

I can’t even put into words what’s going through my head right now.

Technorati  Digg  Stumpleupon

Alright, I need to Twitter a lot… for reasons which I cannot divulge unless I want my competition to get fierce. Wait, shit, I think I just revealed why I’m twittering a lot. Oh wells.

I just realized that I’ve been blogging a hell of a lot lately. Have I even been saying anything of substance? I have my doubts, but at the moment I don’t feel like re-reading anything. Or do I? I’m totally rambling, and for this reason, I think I will make this entry private or not publish it at all unless I come up with a brilliant topic.

I just finished installing some new Wordpress plugins… not like I really need them, but why not? Ugh, I have to make a new layout ASAP. This depression slash no motivation is starting to get way annoying. WAAAAY annoying. I probably need to look around for images to get inspired. Or something like that. It would be easier on my PC. Coding on this macbook thing doesn’t make me feel “at home” with coding. Though, that’s just a bullshit excuse. (:

So, I haven’t eaten in two days (unless you count a cracker I had an hour ago, just because Rona told me to) and I’m not even hungry. Maybe a little headache-y, but that’s eh. And you know when you start counting that it’s on purpose, right? Just thought I’d admit it instead of looking like a retard on my own blog. :]

I am not looking forward to Christmas. I hate myself. I hate my mother. I hate —- and —- right now. With a passion. I hate everything right now. It’d be so easy to just diiiie. Why am I so depressed? I almost can’t deal with it. Though I’ve felt worse. However, I don’t think that’s any reason to excuse the current depression.

Geez, I say I hate my mother and she just called me to say she was doing something thoughtful for me. The irony.

Anyway, I have to help Meme clean her apartment … so the cleaning lady can come clean tomorrow. Isn’t that also ironic? Lmao. Life… life is so funny sometimes. It almost makes me want to cry.

Ooh, side note to self: start tagging entries, and tag old entries (this might take a while as I will have to re-read them).

I hate you so very much.

Technorati  Digg  Stumpleupon