The only reason I had a Myspace account was to lurk my younger brother’s myspace. You know, chat with him, keep up with him somehow. Other than that I had absolutely no friends on there (except Rona hahaha)… but yeah seriously that was it. But then Facebook came into my life. No wait, I’m fucking making excuses.

There were all these signs that my brother was depressed, suicidal, anorexic, and planning to run away all the times that he did.

Where?

On his Myspace.

Which I failed to check for many many many months. Probably a year.

He is now at the UCLA Medical Center in the inpatient treatment for Eating Disorders. About 2 weeks ago he weighed 94 lbs. and he’s 5′5″ and 13 years old. This should not have happened. He could have gotten help so much sooner.

I think I have officially failed as a sister.

“Don’t you miss me?”
“What’s there to miss?”

“Can we go to Griffith Park like the good ol’ days? Just ‘cus I’m 20 doesn’t mean I can’t be like in the good ol’ days.”
“No, you can come over. But you can’t ask for things. But you can come visit.”

I’m wondering where I went horribly wrong. She called me to ask me how I’m doing with money and if I would like for her to transfer some money to my account. But then I told her I’m not going home because no one ever comes to visit me (since the reason she called was asking why I hadn’t been over in a while). Even my aunt, she called me yesterday to see how I was doing. And she said she misses me, so I told her that if she does she could come visit me. She said no.

This is going to be a year-long grudge. I’ll call them all on their birthdays (except Elvia) to wish them happy birthdays, but I’m not going over to celebrate with them. They didn’t come here to celebrate with me. And George didn’t call me until 7pm. So… whatever. He’ll get a very late phone call from me on his birthday. Year-long grudge. And my grudges usually don’t even last a day.

Her rude remarks followed by my swift goodbyes and then she tells me she loves me, repeatedly. At this moment in time, I don’t love you. You’re such a bitch! Ugh. I’m typing… and I’m getting over it as we speak.

There are two separate topics in this entry, I just realized.

I’m not going home for spring break. I have plenty to do here. So much reading, writing, etccccc. It’s all good. Ugh. I’m okay with her just giving me some money here and there. That’s an okay relationship. It works.

Ugh, geez… I hope there are some YouTube videos to watch to help me lighten up my mood. (: And after all I am going on my super amazing shopping spree come Friday!!! So it is super okay. ^_^

Edit: You know, I was at a park today and I thought of my mom. It made me want to spend time with her. It made me miss my family. I can only take so much negativity. I seriously don’t know where I went wrong.

There isn’t much for me to say as of late. Life is continuing quite normally and beautifully. It’s funny, not having anything to say when things are going well. But I’m not, for any reason, going to convince myself that I need depression to write. My thoughts are so much clearer, I’m acting completely responsible and mature and life is great.

There is no need to dwell on what I am missing in life (if anything) and no need to convince myself that I have to write deeply and profoundly all the time. Since words aren’t necessarily coming to mind at this moment in my life, pictures must suffice. Looking back I hope I appreciate these captured memories and forgive my lack of effort in explaining where I am at this moment. The quality is not so great because all of these were taken with my iPhone.

No makeup. But still feeling pretty. I had to capture it.

Standing in front of our fireplace. I’m little and it’s really big. I thought it was funny. ^_^;

Eating healthy! And I’m a total fruit. Cranberry juice. Strawberries. Banana nut muffin sans the nuts (they weren’t to my liking).

Getting a little creative… (and a little romantic?? hahah)! Bowl filled with marbles with a candle in the center. (:

Bowl I made at Color Me Mine!! It’s lavender on the outside with purples flowers and super bright and cheery orange on the inside. I love this bowl!!

Diamond necklace Aunt Elvia gave me recently. It’s blurry because it’s hard to take pictures of diamonds… but there are 43 of them. I lovelovelove it.

Book my Uncle George gave me… hahahah. And another HDMI cable for me~

Heart-shaped chocolate cake my Aunt Mary made me for Valentine’s Day!!! It was yummy and super pretty because 2 year old Midori decorated it~

Heart-shaped ring that my aunt used to tie the bag the cake was in. Super cute right! Yep, my Aunt is the cutest thing~~!!

It’s been a long rainy day so hair waved up a little but I straightened my hair for the first time in almost a year!

I emailed the pic to my family (we email each other pics all the time looool <3 ) and my Aunt Meme said I look like this hispanic actress:

Yeah… I’ll take it!!! She’s beautiful!!!! Hahaha

And this has been a segment of my life since I’ve not blogged in a while.