September 23, 2009 by Brigitte
Usually there’s something worth moping about. My classic black Oxford booties are gorgeous, make me taller, and provide a chic menswear-inspired feminine touch to my life. They make me feel like an adult. And that’s what I’ve wanted all my life. My apartment exudes the most wonderful energy. My legs are buttery smooth (as a random side note of goodness). Paramore’s new album, ‘brand new eyes’ makes me want to dance, but so does everything else. I feel like an adult. This is dramatic and HUGE. I finally feel at home.
There are no better words to describe what I mean.
Let’s enjoy life.
Tags: college, happiness, introspection, Life
Categories: Life •
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September 14, 2009 by Brigitte
It’s making me nervous how every day feels the same
Meet my phantoms, they never seem to want to go away
So they stay
There have been several real-life to-my-face complaints regarding my blog as of late. Those that have stumbled back to my blog have started asking me why I’m not writing anything with personal denotations. Technically, my entries had personal connotations thrown in, but this seems to not be enough for anyone. I wasn’t sure anyone cared, I wasn’t sure I wanted to write. Scratch that, I was still writing so as not to forget the existence of my blog, but personal matters are the furthest from my mind when it comes to writing right now because it’s what I deal with on the daily.
I found a good place for everyone I know to come and rest
All I ever wanted is for everyone I know to come and rest
Meet my Phantoms
Officially, my third year of college starts in a week and a half though I’ve been a junior for many months now. I’m still very much confused about school but the best action is inaction; I continue to unquestioningly enroll and attend my classes despite not liking the direction I am headed. Given recent developments I want to come back home, take a break from school… do something real. Let’s not get hasty, though. Inaction is the best action.
How’s your body, how clean is your soul?
Why are you trying to steal my thoughts before they talk?
Fall right in, let’s talk Maurice
If everything’s fine, then what are you waiting for?
Summer flew me by. Many problems arose. Lots of hangs went down. Transient accomplishments. Vague emotions. Music discoveries. And a heavy dose of forced independence.
Let’s end with: A strong sense of helplessness.
(It’s all about waiting it out.)
Tags: family, friends, introspection, Life, lyrics, summer
Categories: Life •
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June 16, 2009 by Brigitte
I’m writing this because I’m frustrated. And lists help me, mentally.
- The only thing I’ve eaten today is a bag of peanut M&Ms.
- The reason for this is because my aunt and I are too similar. Neither of us particularly likes the time it takes to cook. And as a result she has no food in the house.
- The housekeeper cooks on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but she barely started cooking (12:13pm) and I’m kinda hungry…
- My birth certificate has my name as Adela Brigitte De Soto Menendez. This is way too fucking long.
- The double last name is very problematic to my life.
- My name on my California ID takes up two lines.
- As if having two last names weren’t complicated enough, my first last name has a SPACE in it. In people’s databases (at the bank, when I’m making a hair appointment), I can never be found because they never type my name with a space even after I’ve said it. So I have to explain to them, “D-E-SPACE-that’s important-S-O-T-O” “Ah, there’s your account.” ~No really??~
- I had to call the bank 4x to get my name changed. My credit card had De Soto as my last name and my checking/savings account had Menendez DESPITE the fact that both cards have typed on them De Soto.
- This led to me not having access to my credit card through online banking because the last name was different, and thus didn’t recognize me as owning both accounts.
- My father’s last name is NOT even De Soto. It’s SOTO, non-complicated. But somehow there was a mixup at my birth and I ended up with De Soto, and also with my mother’s maiden name attached to it.
- After getting my accounts settled online the man did something SUPER bootleg. He deleted my middle initial, B, and made my middle initials DE, and set my last name as SOTO.
- I have a feeling I’m going to experience many struggles purchasing things online when they ask me to input my name.
- I go by my middle name because I hate my first name getting pronounced UH-DELL-UH. UH is not my favorite sound. It’s AH-DEL-AH. ADELA, in Spanish.
- That is why I think names like Adelaide, Adelaida, and Adelyn are all very pretty. They don’t have the dreaded UH sound.
- My middle name is even more complicated than my first name. It’s Brigitte. NOT BRIDGET. I’m not a damn bridge. Think in French.
- And since no one can say my middle name in French, I just go by “BRI – short just like me.”
- That’s literally how I introduce myself to people. I keep it memorable.
- I want to change my name to Brigitte Menendez. France and Spain, joined in perfect harmony.
Do you have anything that is super problematic to your life?
Tags: facts, first world problems, Life, list
Categories: Life •
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January 26, 2009 by Brigitte
Shit! I haven’t blogged in a while. I am falling behind on the online life… argh! That’s never really happened before but I’m just taking a quick step back from the computer recently. No longer do I feel any urge to go on AIM and Windows Live Messenger. There really isn’t anyone to talk to on there that I don’t already talk to/see daily. So I just sort of don’t sign on. Also, on Aelyria I am about two months behind on posts (uhm oh wow…). Seriously, I even neglect my RSS feeds, and now my blog! AH. Hot mess, all right.
The days are seriously ZOOMING by. That’s actually kind of scary. I’m already in week 4 of winter quarter and there are only 11 weeks. In less than 6 months I’m going to be a third year at UC Santa Barbara. And in just a littttle over a month I’m going to be 20. Everything’s coming at me way too fast! Mind you, I’ve been waiting forever to be done with college, waiting forever to get into my 20s (which I’m actually really excited about!!!)… but now time seems to be coming at me faster.
[Philosophical Side note: I personally believe time's arrows travel <-- this way and not the commonly held view that they travel --> like that. UHM... FUCK I have a Philosophy of Time and Space class and it's totally tripping me out...]
You know, this domain hasn’t even had a layout change in a few months? And my other domain has never had a layout. Things are a hot busy mess online. And whereas before I didn’t care for facebook I’m on it a few times a week now as opposed to a few times a month. AH! Well it’s only natural since all my friends are on Facebook. *shrugs* Whatever.
Lately I hang out with my friends so much more. I only have classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays but they are so insanely busy it’s ridiculous! On Tuesdays I go seven hours straight without a break! Not even time to eat… ): By the time I’m done for the day on Tuesdays I just want to shoot myself and be done with it. Wednesday seems to disappear all the time with me sleeping in and doing all the homework/reading for class due Thursday. The four-day weekends are long… but they also just disappear and slip away.
People do say time moves faster as you get older. Why? Oh wait… DNW to think atm! On Friday afternoon I was even looking online at philosophy lectures from other universities. Geez. As if my brain didn’t hurt ENOUGH during the week. Honestly, if you’re trying to figure out how/why everything material only exists in the mind (view called Idealism by Berkeley)… it just HURTS. Professor Holden even lets us out 15 minutes early because it’s way too much to take in and grasp…! The class is 75 minutes and by the hour mark I feel my brain wanting to explode. But uh doesn’t stop there… I have to go to Time/Space next. Lol… never thought I’d experience brain pain, but I am proven wrong.
Another reason I suspect time is moving faster for me is because my thoughts lately, especially at night, have been racing NONSTOP. At one point I was trying to say four things at the same time and my roommate Rony just said, “What? Okay you’re saying too many things at the same time.” Then I realized I was cleaning at night, getting all OCD, shopping TOO much, and talking/thinking too fast. Ugh, so that’s why I’ve been too happy and yet still extra annoyed lately… (Hypomania????) But I swear it wasn’t always that. I’m pretty sure I was symptom-free for a good month or two. *Sigh* Can’t escape it! [I'm talking about my bipolar diagnosis]
Anyway.
Oh, I’ve been learning how to cook (somewhat)! Easy things, anyway. Skylar taught me how to make miso soup. Sandy taught me to make pupusas. And I learned how to make udon and (for the very first time) tried making pancakes!! (: It’s actually really fun to cook. Eating my own food is another matter, though. Once I know the process something went through to get cooked I don’t really feel like eating it anymore. Something about knowing the ingredients and just the process itself puts me off. =\ Not sure… I’ll try to get over it.
OH. Oh. Oh wow. Ugh… I’ve been getting all offended lately. GAH. Whatever. Over it. Been over it. I need to get over this shit like NOW. (UGH DAMNIT! When I use the word “now” it makes me think of a “moving now” and … my Time/Space class is messing with me!)
OKKKKK. Updation over. I haven’t written in my moleskine for a WHILE now. I should look into using it again because it is so fabulous. (:
Tags: bipolar, college, growing up, hypomania, Life, philosophy, school, time
Categories: Life •
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