My aunt’s coming over in a few hours (one-two abouts), and so I’m doing some extra cleaning on top of my usual cleaning to make it look presentable. Anyway, I’ve had this really pretty box for a while, and it was given to me by my aunt to put a goal inside. Well, it’s safe to say I’m not using the box for that… I’ve been meaning to put all the cards and letters I’ve ever received into it instead of the Tinkerbell bag they’re in now. I kept forgetting and etc., but finally~ today! I went into my stuff and got them out. I knew sorting through them would be fun, funny, but also … certain letters that’d be hidden away in there.

I found some letters from my ex-bf while he was away for Navy training. *turns super red* *groans* And yeah, I knew I had to open them up again to read them. My memory is awful, as everyone ~should~ know, and yeah forgot what they said, really. Anyway, I’mma just post a snippet real quick aites?

“Anyway, bored and waiting for graduation on the 26th of January. Hard to believe it’s only about 5 weeks away. Just got to keep the positive attitude and keep everyone else in line. Well just waiting to see you, especially in a dress”

- HOLD IT! He never had a positive attitude, but that aside this makes me turn red. I feel real bad. Will explain. (He was talking about a wedding…)

“… wishing to be sleeping in your arms.
- Mr. Moodypants”

-ARGH. I had forgotten about that nickname.

The whole thing about this that makes me all nervous-ish and weird-ish is the fact that III ever had emotions for someone else and *gasp* they did, too? It’s almost enough to make me nauseous. I’m terribly uncomfortable with lovey-dovey emotions and it’s just… WEIRD. I feel like I’m reading someone else’s “love-letters” and INTRUDING. I can’t really put in words how it makes me feel, but my face is still real red. Anyway, the reason III feel bad is because you know… I’m the one that just RANDOMLY one day “cut” the relationship. Like seriously. AWKWARD STATUS. *mumbles*

I better go finish cleaning before I get caught up on ze computer. ^_^;;

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Disclaimer: I don’t pretend to know where the accents go, and I’m not even going to try. And my spelling could be waaaay off, but hell it’s my blog and III know what I’m saying. (:

Nunca pense que iva decir esto pero estrano los dias de high-school. Ase un momento estava viendo unas fotos de dos amigos… bueno, no hablavamos todos los dias pero ellos etavan en mis clases… y pues… Pienso que mis dias en high-school se fueron a perder. ): Definitivamente yo podria ser differente esos dias, y en verdad si deviria por estava muy deprimida. Ahora esos dias an pasado y no ay nada que se puede acer. Porque tenia que ser asi? *sigh*

No importa. Tengo que vivir ahora sin limites.

DAMNN. Shit sounds so cheesy in Spanish. Lmao. Even more so than English… And for that reason I stop the Spanish now. And wth. My ~Japanese~ final is tomorrow. Better start thinking in my third language, fo’ sho status.

Wow… I feel so… inspired atm. Lol… ^^; I feel like doing some life-altering changes and shiz like that… XD Ah funnnnnyyyyyy. (:

I love speaking in Spanish. Lmao… Gloria said I sound like a rich-girl in Spanish. -_-; Ooookay my Spanish is real proper ok? It’s not the first time people have told me this… but whatever!!!! Love my Spanish, aites? ^_^;

Oh heyyy Sandy made carne asada tacos for me, Gloria, and herself. Yeeeahhh. So delicious~

STUDY TIMEEEE! Push depression and anxiety away. Seriously.

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As a small side-note this entry was either going to be titled this or “Usually, You Find Yourself In College” and then start off by saying, “but I’m beginning to lose myself.” So there you have it. A little behind the scenes info. (: The entries would be headed in similar directions, actually, but not entirely. One more introspective than the other. hahaha…

Anyway, this time last year…

• I had 8 comments on the August 6, 2007 entry. My online popularity is almost non-existant now. OR, there is definite COMMENT ANXIETY. There’s at ~least 10 of you that read this shit on the daily and leave me random comments on LJ, email, Twitter, IM, etc. What’s the deal? Give the domain some love. ):
• I started Freshman Summer Start Program and began my life as a college student.
• I was also extremely busy just like now.
• Quite possibly I was an altogether different person.

Now there’s the thought of getting a little emotional, sharing some inner feelings or whatever… but I’m not going to and I don’t really want to either. One thing I know for certain: I went in the opposite direction of who I wanted to become, but… it’s weird because I accept myself so much more (even though if I were to analyze “who I am” right now I’d hate her).

Oh, and as far as I know I’m not currently depressed nor am I hypomanic. It’s this in-between stage I fear the most… at any given moment my mood can change. It’s in this in-between stage that I am the most lost.

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The entries are coming too soon… After seven months of blogging every single day and now that I’m so busy I just don’t feel I have the time to blog nor the energy.

Emotions running rampant.

Earlier today I was recalling a memory and even though I was alone in my apartment, sitting on the couch, it was one of those thoughts that make you really shy and embarrassed. It made me want to hide under a blanket, close my eyes, and cover my ears with my hands. Hate when that happens.

Mm, wow… so earlier I allowed myself a fifteen minute nap because I was just so very tired and sleepy and I fell asleep instantaneously. =\ I’ve been pretty exhausted lately. I studied some more and then headed off to my class… and as I was walking out I almost tripped. *sigh* It felt like my mind was shutting down and so I immediately went to go get a Vanilla Latte from Starbucks.

Gimme more than 6 hours of sleep and days shorter than 12-15 hours. *cries* Some days I even almost don’t have time to eat or am so busy I forget. Occasionally it just feels like I’m going to collapse on the ground from lack of rest and nutrition.

Eh… have some hw to finish before I sleep.

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Dear Elizabeth,

We haven’t written each other letters in quite a while. Funny I should be writing you one now as I just reread the one you wrote me during 11th grade (the one we had to put in an envelope to receive a year later). The reason I’m writing you a letter is because I can tell you anything (right?) and it seems appropriate to write this directed towards you. A lot’s on my mind.

I had lunch with Rona, Meg, and some other girl (but I always forget her name), at Ortega. With the exception of Rona, we all talked about anime&manga and the anime expo. Haha… it was sort of funny and very reminiscent of my younger years. I still haven’t watched any anime is over a year. Maybe two years. And when I pass the large section of manga at Borders there is simply no desire in me to go over there and buy any. Anyway, it was a pleasant lunch. I had to leave a few minutes before the other three girls because I had class, but as I did I ran into someone I met earlier in the school year. His name is Tibi. He used to be friends with my ex-roommate Sharon. We smiled, and made small talk, but he seemed to feel slightly awkward. Granted we were both just about to leave so it was just one of those surprise “Wow, interesting to run into you here” kind of moments. His friend Tyler is still my friend and I eat with him from time to time or we just stop to chat. Tyler had said we would have dinner some time, but when we scheduled it I was busy with ASPB so that didn’t work out. I mentioned it to Tibi and he seemed kinda like, “wtf… uhm, but yeah okay dinner some time!” That made it a little more awkward. Anyway, then we walked separate ways and I headed to Philosophy.

I stopped by the office to see if Colton was in there, but he wasn’t so then I just headed to class knowing we’d meet up there instead. As always, the class was fascinating! And lol… Luke likes to speak up. He brought up an economics term: the law of diminishing returns, and I was all <3 aww high-school days and Econ, and Mr. Glasser! So that was pretty tight, you know? Anyway, loveee Phil 100A. My early morning class Phil 3 isn’t quite as interesting because it’s more about logic and arguments and shit. It’s all weird&shit, but not boring, just complicated. XD haha…

As I was leaving Phil with Colton I ran into another old friend, Omar. He was my ex-roommate’s old lab partner (but she shit-talked him all the time, that bitch), though I hung out with him more than she did ‘cus he’s friends with Sam (another guy friend, also was Sharon’s friend)… but anyway! I waved and smiled at Omar and he barely glanced at me and nodded his head. That’s totally not how we would hang back in fall quarter. =\ This was slowly starting to depress me because I can’t possibly have lost all these friends just because of the lie I’m almost positive Sharon told them both. Ugh, the funny thing is that Sharon didn’t like Sam, Omar, or Tibi, AT ALL! She was always saying how annoying or whatevz they were. Seriously, she’s such a bitch. But not like you or me status. We’re funny bitchy. She’s … bitchy in a way that makes me sad just ‘cus she’s so fucked up to people behind their backs.

After parting ways with Colton I got my iPhone out and called back Ryan. I had missed his call earlier while I was in math. When math was over I called him, but he didn’t answer so I just left a voicemail. Two hours later I was like, hmm might as well just try calling back, right? Anyway, I did. And he answered this time, but I think he was hanging out with his girlfriend Cassie because he sounded so distant and uncomfortable. Instinctively I was just like, “Can you talk or uh… do you need to go?” He paused for a second and just said, “Yeah I need to go.” Dude, am I listening too closely?! I feel like I’m making a big deal out of nothing, but it bothers me that his girlfriend doesn’t let him talk to me. You fucking swear like I’m going to poison his mind or something. She’s the waaaay waaaay jealous type. Lol… what’s the deal?

As I was going back to my dorm what with the sky all gloomy … I was just a little too reflective and sad about all of this. Most of all how Omar didn’t even PRETEND to be friendly, you know? Keeping up with my gangstah talk here, I feel totally dissed. As a fucking… like “sensitive woman” (lmfao) I was actually pretty hurt. Like what the fuck you know? Frustrating!

This is turning into a really long letter, but that’s how we roll, fo’ sho. (: haha, I’m honestly trying to type this the way we kinda talk to each other when we’re not being 100% serious. Adding the realism! ;] (*awkward mustache!*) Ahahaha… That shit’s tight. Everyone’s caught on to it.

Mm, I’m still not taking my pills. It’s very tempting to go make an appointment with Alfredo to let him know and ask for his opinion, but I haven’t told him yet and I don’t really feel like sitting in anyone’s office/room for an hour. I’m so over it. Don’t really know why, but some days/sometimes it feels like dude, yeah I’m fuckin’ aites so far and other times there’s a strange underlying sadness that doesn’t always make its presence known. (When we talk on the phone tonight ask me about pillz. Funny story!) Maybe I just think too much. Lalalala whateverz. Just don’t think about it -> saying that to myself.

I love you, Elizabeth! Looking forward to your call tonight. We haven’t talked on the phone for like two weeks ‘cus of that whole me being slightly annoyed during break. Hahaha. Ttyl, my love! ;]

Love,
Bri-bri

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