Known for my love of pushups, I have decided to take the 100 Pushup Challenge. Quite randomly Edgar decided to tell me about this challenge that he started up on Tuesday and I have joined him, starting today. It will take approximately six weeks, but by the end of it I should (hopefully) be able to do one hundred consecutive push-ups. It sounds like a dream come true, right? Just thinking about it makes me happy inside. *giggles* I’m eager to get started on this.

Admittedly, my core body strength is probably at an all-time low given how many push-ups I did during the initial test. Uhm, that number will remain confidential because otherwise I’ll feel endless shame. I take this sort of stuff seriously. I’ve done my pushups for today. I think this first week I’m going to do them on consecutive days so that I don’t throw off my weeks by splitting them in half (because I’m starting on a Thursday and you should do it every other day).

Today is my mother’s 38th birthday. Considering I’m 19, she’s still pretty darn young. I love that about her, though. I actually got to experience the years of my mother’s youth. I saw her youthful beauty, got to see her live her life, and we actually got to do stuff. I mean parents that are currently about 50 something had their children in their 30s and well by that age, you’re just sort of tired and done having fun or somethin’.

So, I’ve been making it a point to watch TV. Hah… So, I’m watching 90210, ANTM, (maybe Privileged), Fringe, and (maybe) True Blood. Thank goodness for DVR! I can’t watch them all at the same time yannoe. And usually I’m busy at night exercising and stuff so it’s good to come back and watch those shows while you’re dripping in sweat. Well okay so I don’t sweat that intensely, but it feels better sitting down in front of the TV ~after~ working out. Makes it feel less unhealthy. (:

New task: I need to learn to be happy for others without thinking how it affects me.

VMAs yesterday did not make me lol. Russell Brand’s humour was just not to my liking. I mean, he was ~scandalous~ sure, and what he was saying could have potentially been funny, but the delivery man! Seriously, like I just never heard laughter coming from the audience either. Though, fuck Miley Cyrus for saying she didn’t even crack a smile and Jordin Sparks for getting wildly offended about the purity ring bashing. Dude, he was joking. She didn’t need to take it so damn seriously. The whole Disney crowd needs to back away from the VMAs if they’re all going to get offended.

Pink’s performance was damn fucking fierce! And Xtina has not lost her magic touch at all. The remix of Genie in a Bottle was great (uh except she lipsynched wtf) and she’s great. I hated Rihanna’s performance though, but that’s because I hate her music. All the instrumental backings to all her songs are fucking like stolen and shit… nothing sounds original. So idk, I just didn’t approve. And aww my lovely Britbrit was damn nervous, but still fierce! Everyone gave her a standing ovation when she walked on the stage to open up the VMAs. And she won three awards! Yeyey.

Alright, enough of that. Just had to get my lil’ 2 cents on here real quick.

I went running on the track yesterday night!! AHHH. Last night David and I were going to go bike riding, but then we just kinda wondered if the track was open and yah it’s totes always open. David ran so many fucking laps… it’s unbelievable. I did 6. Which is a mile and a half. And damn I am sore today~ but not that badly because I’ve been using my leg muscles and stuffs like that for a while now bike-riding. (:

My thigh muscles are swollen, I can tell, because when I touch them they’re rock solid. haha. I love it~ ngl. Ah, but now that I’m getting my legs in shape my upper body is feeling weeeakk. I need to start exercising that again. (: Ahaha… I love how David, Sandy, and I are getting really fit! It’s so fun! Lol, this is what UCSB does to us. And we wondered, when we got here, why everyone was so freaking fit.

We’re not to the point where we can run in just a sports bra or anything like that (like the other girls here), but even if we were - I dun think Sandy or I would do that. Lmao. One step at a time. xD

My mother’s birthday is on Thursday. I have no clue what to get her. Gah! I gotta think of somethin’ ASAP status~

On a really sad note, a UCSB student jumped off a bridge here in Santa Barbara this morning. *sigh* I’ll refrain from saying anything on the matter.

There comes an awkward moment when you realize how silly and naive you really were all along. And I don’t know if I want to cry about it or laugh at myself for what it’s worth. I’d take back every word if I could.

On a different note, everyone in my family is *always* busy every weekend. Or if you’re my mom, you just plain out don’t want to visit me. I called her this morning at 8am after a very strange panicky dream and asked if she wanted to come over this weekend. Her excuse is that she doesn’t like the drive over here. The one and only time she “visited” me she was dropping something off for me and stayed for about 45 minutes. The entire time she complained and complained, and then finally said, “I don’t really want to stay. I’m leaving now.” And it makes me sad to continually ask her/beg her to come over or sleep over.

It’s like that whole thing of mine… I hate convincing people to do anything. I shouldn’t have to because people should do what they want. But then that means that my mother doesn’t want to visit me. And the more attempts I get to mark off every time I ask her the more discouraging it is and the more depressed I get. Should I even have to ask? Now I know I shouldn’t compare but Sandy has someone coming over every. single. weekend. be it family or friends. *sigh*

Me: Hey! Good morning.
Mom: Good morning.
Me: Do you work this weekend?
Mom: …No. Why?
Me: Want to come over and visit me?
Mom: … I hate the drive! I almost die every time. (She gets sleepy in traffic)
Me: Ok. Bye.
Mom: Okay, don’t hang up so rudely! You always do that.
Me: Okay. Have a good weekend. Talk to you later. Bye.
Mom: Bye. I love you.
Me: Ok. *hangs up*

Funny. I hang up that way because if I don’t she’ll beat me to it. What are you supposed to say when your mom rejects you?

It’s definitely me. All me. I remember throwing those ridiculous temper tantrums when I was younger and I do wish i could take all that back. Maybe my relationship with my mother wouldn’t be so bad now if it weren’t for me. Days/nights like this I regret being born.

What good am I to anyone?