I’m fighting myself. I know I am. One minute I want to remember. The next minute I want to live in the land of forgetting. One minute I want to feel. The next minute I never want to feel ever again.
— Benjamin Alire Sáenz, Last Night I Sang to the Monster
— Philip Roth
Probably one of the most beautiful quotes I’ve ever read. However, it does make for a very strong and convincing argument that opposes my own thoughts regarding ‘this terribly significant business of other people‘ and reality. I’m fairly convinced that my reality is merely my perception of it. But what this quote is saying is that that is ‘really a dazzling illusion empty of all perception’ and ‘misperception.’ Because people are more complex and difficult from what is perceived. People have so many interior workings and invisible aims that never even glimpse the surface. But it would be fun to make like the lonely writers and hide away somewhere perceiving my deluded perceptions. Brains in vats and all that.
“I have no sense of self. I have no personality, no brilliant color. I have nothing to offer. That’s always been my problem. I feel like an empty vessel. I have a shape, I guess, as a container, but there’s nothing inside.”“Let’s say you are an empty vessel. So what? What’s wrong with that?” Eri said. “You’re still a wonderful, attractive vessel. And really, does anybody know who they are? So why not be a completely beautiful vessel? The kind people feel good about, the kind people want to entrust with precious belongings.”
From Penny Dreadful, “What Death Can Join Together.” Season 1, Episode 6.
VANESSA: Are they not unnerving? Always looking at you.
DORIAN: I like to be looked at.
VANESSA: Not I.
DORIAN: Yet you wear that dress.
VANESSA: That was for your eyes.
(SOFTLY) All portraits.
DORIAN: I’m sorry?
VANESSA: They’re all portraits. You have no landscapes or still lives.
DORIAN: Are not people the most mysterious things?
VANESSA: I wish they were more so sometimes. The glance that gives away the game. The change in body posture.
DORIAN: And what do I give away?
DORIAN: What sort of music would you like?
VANESSA: Meaning who do I want to be at this moment. Dorian Gray, who do you want to be?
DORIAN: Myself, without limits.
VANESSA: Then put on music for dancing!
DORIAN: You have exceptional composure.
VANESSA: Do I? Poise, I mean.
DORIAN: What if you were to abandon it?
VANESSA: I couldn’t.
VANESSA: There are things within us all that can never be unleashed.
DORIAN: And what would happen if they were?
VANESSA: They would consume us. We would cease to be and another would exist in our place, without control.
DORIAN: Without limits.
DORIAN: May I kiss your neck?
VANESSA: Don’t ask permission. If you want to do a thing, do it because it is your desire, not my allowance.You must risk rejection.