Currently //001

// Reading
Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World by Murakami.
I’m 50% in with 200 pages more to go.

Starting The Kitchen House asap… Book club read due by 2/18! Yikes.

// Watching
Hart of Dixie season 4
Zoe is suddenly pregnant and both she and Wade have confessed to loving one another. Is this the last season?

// Listening
“Take Me To Church” by Hozier but only because of this magnificent performance by Ukranian ballet dancer Sergei Polunin.

If I could have just one true artistic ability in this life, I’d like for it to be dance. The human body is so strong and so emotive and so powerful. I mean points to the truly gifted mind but a beautiful physical presence is so much more telling and engaging. This video is so stunning and dreamy.

// Engaging In
Walks and Hikes. While I do miss my physical strength (and way much thinner physique) I’m doing what I have time for these days until I can get my shit together.

Attending sporadic barre classes isn’t going so well. I miss when my whole life revolved around some sort of physical exercise. I’ve just gotten lazy about making the time (because the time is most definitely there).

// Lusting After
Clothes that fit my less attractive selfnew physique. With weight gain comes fewer wardrobe choices. Womp womp. Actually I haven’t been craving too many things as of late mostly because uh… I have a lot of clothes… that just don’t fit the way they used to fit but I have most of the things I need/want already.


I got my sleep yesterday. A little over 8 hours. Though I woke up hesitantly this morning… It felt different from the other mornings. There was no painful sensation that followed my waking. There was only the sensation of wanting more of a good thing. And today, admittedly, I’ve been depressed as hell. But! I don’t have that sort of time to waste… I can’t just “not do anything” because I’m down. I hardly felt like going to go pick up boxes for my move… a necessary errand. I forced myself to do so though… and still the depression persisted.

But reading. Reading helps me. When I read something enlightening or shocking or scientific or thought-provoking I remember the world is worth consuming. I cannot cease all action just because I am depressed. There is so much to consume that my hunger and thirst for life must continue. Otherwise, I am little more than a speck of dust upon the universe. I rather be a little speck of dust in the universe with a purpose.

And so! Nothing like a new MOOC on Coursera to get my engine revving again. The course is an Introduction to Neuroeconomics: the neuroscience of decision-making. The course combines economics, psychology, and neuroscience. It seems like a bit of a heavy subject… trying to combine three disciplines into one unified theory of “how humans work” that’s for sure…


Anyway… off to watch some video lectures. The course just started yesterday so it’s still the first week… so plenty of time to get comfortable with the videos and the subject material.

Interestingly… I am further and further pulled into health-related topics. I feel like a career change is in my near future. Once things stabilize and settle down… I need to further my education in a serious way or start searching for something that will fulfill me more than my current position. #truefacts

And just for fun, an argument against neuroscience by a psychologist that is quickly becoming one of my faves, Paul Bloom: The War on Reason on The Atlantic. Very quickly into the article Paul Bloom goes on to critique another favorite of mine, Sam Harris. No two people could have very different mindsets and for that I can appreciate them both. It’s easy to see their different stances in multiple fields of study.

Though Sam Harris is predominantly a neuroscientist (the more impressive title of his) I by and large consider him a philosopher. Paul Bloom, on the other hand, has more fingers in the field of psychology – and is a published professor. I’ve yet to read Paul Bloom’s latest work but I own it, it’s on my Kindle app… and I have yet to purchase any Sam Harris. The reading list is exhaustive… but I am making a commitment to get to them… eventually.

Also I’d like to note I have read 400 pages of The Night Circus… with just a little over 100 pages left to go… and I have promptly lost the fucking book in the middle of fuckwhoknowswhere. I’m rather upset… the last I saw the book was Thursday with certainty… and Friday uncertainly but almost surely. GRRRRRRRRRRRR FACE. My book has fucking abandoned me.

Image Credits: Coursera

Recurring Theme

Heeeey! So yannoe… it’s pretty “in” this time of year to feel shitty. Let’s be real – that doesn’t make me feel any better. But at least we can all commiserate with one another! Most everyone I’m asking feels kinda down, not gonna lie.

Though yesterday wasn’t so bad. Breathe. All it takes is a little avoidance. Not necessarily the best coping method but whatever works right? Plus I watched Fringe and 90210! And today I caught up on yesterday and last week’s eps of Privileged. Nothing like a *little* bit of mindless TV to help out the soul right?

My absolutely wonderful Teekwidca has been helping me get through these days of depression, too. We have this great friendship chemistry. This December we’ll have been friends for 4 years (and we’re still close)! Admittedly there was a small bump in the road where I did the usual bullshit “let’s NOT be friends” but we get past things pretty easily. Thank goodness! I need someone, that, when pushed away, will push back. -_-; I think that’s what I really secretly want. *shrugs*

It also helped talking about some o’ my problems with both Elizabeth and Teekwidca. Talking actually helps… who would have thought!

Book I’m reading now: Snow Country by Yasunari Kawabata! I really loved Beauty and Sadness by him when I read it in 10th grade. (: I’m determined to accomplish my goal of reading 12 books this year. Thus far I’ve only read 8, and now I’m on my 9th (I’m not counting Metamorphosis as a novel I read since that’s a short story, even though it’s in my Now Reading library).

*a few hours later*

Well… this entry was started at about 1pm. It’s 6pm now. Attended classes. Went to Starbucks to read. Then to Borders to read. I needed some alone time somewhere beside my apartment (which gets me moar depressed btw) just to clear my head. Unfortunately, it led to more thinking and some pretty emo introspective thought. Total FAIL. -_-; Ahhh *shrugs* I seriously feel like going out for a run or something.

Geez, I’m definitely very Bri Bear… I hibernate during this time of year. Sleep to let the bad times pass. Sleeeeep is the only answer. *sigh* I haven’t even been able to eat much lately either. Lyfe sux. Kbai. I go die nao. ^_^;


So last night after watching Role Models with ze Rony dearest (and watching the Twilight preview) I knew instantly I was going to give in and read that blasted Twilight series. Out of some slight fear of disliking the books (very slight), I only bought the first two of four. And so, sitting at Borders, I began my descent into the world of the Twilight series. Immediately I was taken in and completely absorbed.

Rony wasn’t having much luck finding a book to her liking so we were only there a little bit under and hour and we headed back home, but not without the book on my mind already. We go home, attempted to watch a A.I. but since I’d watched it a million and one times I couldn’t bare to go through it again. So instead I rushed off to the bedroom and kept reading. And reading. And reading. Until finally it was 5am and my contacts were starting to annoy me. Regardless I woke up after a few hours and finished it. (: I am done with book 1!

As I was reading… I could feel my heart stuck in my throat, and I could only barely breathe. There was such an overwhelming sense of attraction to Edward Cullen I didn’t know what to do with myself (uh… that sounds wrong, a lil’ bit ey?) So badly I yearned to wake up Rona and squeal like a little romanced child. His bodily and facial perfection were enough to drive me mad. Edward’s ever-changing temperament was enough to satiate my need for perpetual excitement, a really delightful feeling. From him, no reaction was ever expected and I loved how he progressed through anger, confusion, humor, and happiness so very quickly. The words for my adoration for him came much more easily at the first signs of morning and now I’m more speechless than anything.

In a small way, Edward made me feel as though I could feel again. And for a short while (the few hours it took me to read and finish the book) I wanted to love someone so passionately as Bella loved Edward. I even believed I was capable of it! Maybe I will be some day… And admittedly at one point I had to stop reading, just stop because I could hardly take it! There was only one person on my mind with whom I wanted to share my emotions.

Oh Edward, Edward, how can you be doing this to me?

*is so stoked for the first movie*

Editz: Lolol…. 🙁

[06:55] xportrait bruise: i miss edward
[06:55] survivorulez23: omggg
[06:55] survivorulez23: lol
[06:55] xportrait bruise: i’m not kidding
[06:55] xportrait bruise: didya read my blog?
[06:55] xportrait bruise: he sparked in me some longing to LOVE someone
[06:55] xportrait bruise: *sigh*
[06:55] xportrait bruise: and now i feel hopelessly empty inside
[06:56] survivorulez23: aww thats emo!
[06:56] survivorulez23: 🙁
[06:56] xportrait bruise: I KNOW
[06:56] survivorulez23: well edward loves you
[06:56] xportrait bruise: that’s why i miss him
[06:56] xportrait bruise: uhm
[06:56] xportrait bruise: he loves BELLE
[06:56] survivorulez23: you miss him??
[06:56] xportrait bruise: fucking bastard
[06:56] survivorulez23: read the second book
[06:56] survivorulez23: lol
[06:56] xportrait bruise: miss him in the sense that i need to read more of what happens
[06:56] survivorulez23: i heard he slices her throat open and calls her a bitch!
[06:56] xportrait bruise: but…. if i finish the second i don’t have the third or fourth yet
[06:57] survivorulez23: thats true
[06:57] xportrait bruise: FIND ME SOMEONE THAT LOVES ME
[06:57] xportrait bruise: ):
[06:57] survivorulez23: harry potter?
[06:57] survivorulez23: idk!
[06:57] xportrait bruise: EW
[06:57] xportrait bruise: he’s a damn dirty guy
[06:57] xportrait bruise: fuck that
[06:57] xportrait bruise: fuck that shit
[06:57] xportrait bruise: oh hell no
[06:58] survivorulez23: but he wants you 😉
[06:58] xportrait bruise: he sexes horses. haven’t you heard?
[06:58] survivorulez23: lol well…
[06:58] survivorulez23: jk jk
[06:58] xportrait bruise: *laughing so hard irl right nao*
[06:58] xportrait bruise: i know you can hear me!!