Disclaimer: I don’t pretend to know where the accents go, and I’m not even going to try. And my spelling could be waaaay off, but hell it’s my blog and III know what I’m saying. (:

Nunca pense que iva decir esto pero estrano los dias de high-school. Ase un momento estava viendo unas fotos de dos amigos… bueno, no hablavamos todos los dias pero ellos etavan en mis clases… y pues… Pienso que mis dias en high-school se fueron a perder. ): Definitivamente yo podria ser differente esos dias, y en verdad si deviria por estava muy deprimida. Ahora esos dias an pasado y no ay nada que se puede acer. Porque tenia que ser asi? *sigh*

No importa. Tengo que vivir ahora sin limites.

DAMNN. Shit sounds so cheesy in Spanish. Lmao. Even more so than English… And for that reason I stop the Spanish now. And wth. My ~Japanese~ final is tomorrow. Better start thinking in my third language, fo’ sho status.

Wow… I feel so… inspired atm. Lol… ^^; I feel like doing some life-altering changes and shiz like that… XD Ah funnnnnyyyyyy. (:

I love speaking in Spanish. Lmao… Gloria said I sound like a rich-girl in Spanish. -_-; Ooookay my Spanish is real proper ok? It’s not the first time people have told me this… but whatever!!!! Love my Spanish, aites? ^_^;

Oh heyyy Sandy made carne asada tacos for me, Gloria, and herself. Yeeeahhh. So delicious~

STUDY TIMEEEE! Push depression and anxiety away. Seriously.

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In sitting here alone, eating the dinner I just cooked it occurred to ask myself why exactly it is I’m in college. Not so long ago I got home from an ASPB meeting and event (aka from work), and then got comfortable, and all settled in. The whole washing dishes, cooking dinner part was mildly pleasant and I began to wonder why I couldn’t just live my life like that day to day. You know, out from work and the night is yours.

But no, instead I have to study for my Japanese midterm tomorrow. There’s no way I have time to be online (I’m procrasting atm, tbh), and no way there’s time to just *relax* after a rather semi-eventful day. And I want to relax. I don’t want to have to worry about completing homework, or doing well on the next quiz. There’s definitely a bit of stress right now. Except it’s more like ~a lot, and not just a bit.

Anyway, the logical response I came up with was that I’m here in college taking classes not because I rather be working my ass off than relaxing, as that is not the case at all, but because doing this now will help me do something I enjoy later on in life. And then I’ll be able to relax more comfortably than now (yannoe having money and all… haha). And I know I enjoy college life, but at the same time… I’m getting kind of tired of taking classes and studying nonstop. The whole process of getting homework done is tiring, and bothersome; it’s getting in the way of me simply enjoying my life.

And I’m too young to feel this burnt out, but I am. Not gonna lie, I’m just a tad bit lazy… but really, who wouldn’t rather do fun stuff over homework? Some are more dedicated than others. And it’s honestly just a matter of giving away some ~4 years (or more for grad school) in the hopes of gaining better years in return. But I’ve really just got this urge to go do my own thing and live my life the way I want it. This just isn’t reasonable, though. It’s doable, of course, but it’s not reasonable. I much rather fly with the wind. Maybe I’m too free-spirited for this.

Now there’s the problem of my plan sort of shattering to pieces. The goal was to become a Psych N.P., but now… it’s like… I don’t really care that much anymore. And I’m noticing all reasons why I’d be awful at it, including having to suffer through more years of school after this. If my aspiration is fading away so too will my motivation. And motivation is *always* something I could use more of, tbh. I need to find another aspiration FAST or reacquire my love for those superawesome crazy people. Helphelphelp. What do I do?

I dropped Psych 3 a few minutes ago so that in two weeks I’ll be done with summer school (when Japanese is over) instead of continuing for the entire duration of my vacation time. Maybe all I need is a little break. Time to focus on myself for a little while, and figure things out internally before proceeding.

Now if only I liked Mayra I’m sure she’d understand this feeling… but I don’t really like the girl so too bad for me on that one. What is the source of everyone’s motivation? I need to know, asap status.

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Not gonna lie, I’m pretty emo status today, but I haven’t let it show one bit. In fact today’s been quite fun. Sandy and I got Jamba Juice (hey~ it’s our thing!) and then just rode our bikes then chilled for a while. (: We talked for something like two hours in her apartment… and then finally made the greaaaaat decision of eating at our favorite Japanese restaurant in Santa Barbara. I always always forget the name because it’s partially hidden by some bushes in the front. Lmao.

The conversation with Sandy got me a lil’ sad though… I didn’t say too much, mostly listened, but I couldn’t help but note some similar emotions. And you know, sad stuffz. Yo, wow… I’m getting so bad at expressing myself on my blog.

Oh man, am I hella stressed. And I really don’t know what to do… nor who to ask for some advice. Ugh, I hate constantly having to look/feel so damn strong. Everyone could offer their shoulder for me to cry on, or an ear to listen to me, but I have way too much pride to share my probs with ‘em.

I’m beginning to hate you. (:

Yey Olympics! Except I’m not really a fan of it… I loveeee Winter Olympics for the figure skating!! (:

I lack inspiration today. *sigh* Maybe I should take a nap to re-energize…

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Yo. I’m done with my homework before 12?! Not even I can believe it. Crazy stuff. Though I did start at 9:30-ish… as I was watching SYTYCD. And then I made food at like 10:40-ish so that required another break… but anyway! I’m doneeee…

Oh, wow. And I took something like a 5 hour nap, too… I decided early on in the day that no matter what I would get ~some~ rest. Well… the day started out all sunny or whatever and that’s when I fell asleep. I dreamt about having lunch with Peters-san, and Massey-san… and we were memorizing kanji (ugh awful school-related dream right?)… and when I woke up the sky looked pale blue almost like morning and I TOTALLY PANICKED and thought for a second it was morning already and I hadn’t done my hw or studied or worse yet, was late for class. The nap was pretty long so when I awoke I didn’t even remember heading to bed or how/why I was in bed to begin with… and yeah, it was a scary moment in my day. Lmao.

By this time it was 7-something… and I naturally got on Navii (name of my PC)… but found myself too quickly overwhelmed by all the shit I could ~possibly be doing online… and then got bored right away. SOOO then I looked at the time and it was time for SYTYCD.

DUDE. WOAH. Most epic finale uhm, ever?! Mary Murphy danced. Nigel Lythgoe danced!!!! Like srsly?! o_o; It was cuhrazzyyy stuff. Just blew me away. People from EVERY SINGLE SEASON were there and they all danced together… it was so magical!! <3 The judges’ favorite routines were danced again… some of theee best ones, too!! Ah, and The Jonas’ Brothers played. Two poppers battled. And finally… it came down to Courtney, Katee, Joshua, and Twitch. Courtney was the first to be told she didn’t win. Then Katee didn’t win… BUT! they surprised her, and all of us by saying since she was the top female dancer she, too, would win $50k. And then… JOSHUA WON. Yeeeeeah boi. He’s beyond amazing. Seriously, so good. Joshua has so much potential, too. I think Court, Katee, and Josh were all 19… so fuckin’ young. And accomplishedddd. Damn.

Anyway, now that my homework IS done I still have to keep practicing my kanji. Kanji quiz tomorrow. The kanji are getting exponentially harder, some with 13 strokes. *cries* And we learn like 3 new grammar rules a day. It’s getting pretty intense. =\ Hanging in there, though.

Ja, ashita!

Oh yeah… what show do I watch now? ):

ANDDD… I love Twitter. I really do.

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Sleepy. Been a long day. Tomorrow will be even longer. Zzzz… still doing hw.

Editz: Finished hw at 12:46am. Whyyy did I start it so late? ): Gotta stay ON POINT for three more weeks. That A in Japanese was worth aging a gazillion years. hahaha… no, seriously. I feel aged. ):

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