The Now.

If I don’t write this now I won’t write this at all.

Right now I’ve just gotten home and already switched into an oversized t-shirt to take a nap in. It’s not that I’m completely weary because all I’ve done today is sit at my desk and work work work. But I feel sort of lethargic. My energy levels are low and I can feel my eyelids weighing heavily on me.

I also feel this heavy weight once again stemming from conflicting things.

I haven’t been eating as much lately so I’m not overly preoccupied with requiring exercise… but at the same time I won’t tone/feel as good if I go without.

Then you know, starting some new Coursera course as per usual… and there’s that episode of Silicon Valley from last night I want to watch.

But those things are out of the question. It’s either nap or exercise. Why not both? At 6 I have to be in Long Beach for our book club meeting. But I also really feel like washing my hair since I washed my hair YESTERDAY morning. And then yannoe my hair starts to look sort of separated and it has less body and then I just don’t feel as on point. So I have three hours to recharge my energy levels and get ready to go out and expend that energy.

And I want to get there a little early (though I know that’s a major stretch) just so I can get a little personal reading done before our meeting… but I cannot conceivably squeeze energy out of a short-lived nap.

It’s work. It’s draining me. It’s depressing me. But I don’t complain anymore. It’s just… it’s work. It’s whatever. I get no fulfillment out of it. I always dreamt of a life in which I would live & breathe for the fulfillment from a career. This just isn’t the right time to question my career path. Money is a cruel necessity. So I work. Without question. Without any fuss. Just work. Make the mountains of paperwork disappear.

But I think it’s taking its toll on me.

In five minutes it will be 3pm. And by then I have to prepare to close my eyes and force myself to nap. Though sleep comes majorly easy to me. I appreciate that at least.

Oh! And Raquel is making a flash trip into town tomorrow from Fresno. We have a lunch date for Indian food. We both lovelove it. So again tomorrow I may go without exercise.

But Wednesday! I have a jogging date with Elizabeth. I’m hoping she’ll have enough energy to pushhhhhh. Also I hope it’s not too fucking hot on Wednesday.

On Friday I have a concert with my brother in Pomona.

When did I start being so short on time? Fuck. It’s all I ever write about. And I mean, I do a lot. But I could be doing a lot more. Subtle difference.

This past weekend I watched Maleficent at El Capitan theater. Fantastic movie. Also hung out with book club last night, too, for Game of Thrones and a board game. We’re board game addicts these days. It keeps me outta trbl I think. Lmao.

Okok. 3 on the dot. NAP TIME.